i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
