Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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