went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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