pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
