Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
