I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
