Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
