I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
