a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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