Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
