she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
