He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
