I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
