It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
