Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
another moral hangover. fuck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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