Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
