Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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