the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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