it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
