what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
