Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
