dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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