Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
