After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
