LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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