so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
