Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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