You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
