i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
