i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
