Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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