reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
