just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
