I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A+ Viking dick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
