help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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