I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
