He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
