Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
