someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is classic penis vs brain.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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