what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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