"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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