everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
