i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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