Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
