I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
