he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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