I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
