You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
