So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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