I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
