she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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