I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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