Umm I'm too high to move.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
