Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
