end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
