We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
