never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
