You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
