I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
