3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
NoShamevember. You game?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize