If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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