he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
