im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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