I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
time to smoke my breakfast
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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