my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
