No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
