I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
