Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
