Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
