The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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