I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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