I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
