So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he shaved USA in his pubs
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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